I feel stuck! I had two very promising jobs seek me out, they came to me. I didn’t apply to them- they called me. Called me talking of working from home and big pay raises and made me hope and dream of more than where I am. They strung me along for weeks, maybe over a month by now for what? One already hired someone else and I do not have an overly optimistic feeling about the other.
Which reconfirms that old tape of worthlessness.
It makes the chains of my current job feel stronger and heavier.
I am probably selfish and spoiled but I have tried for six years; ten if you count the entire time I’ve been in the business and not been able to find happiness.
My heart, my soul cries for more. Demands something different. I wish I could silence it – truly I have tried. I have tried to find the good, to stay with the gratitude of being employed and employable. But it never lasts. My gipsy souls rages in the suffocating box it has been crammed into. It won’t let me settle. It refuses to allow me peace.
So I have no choice but to continue the search- to continue to dream- to continue to wrestle with my inner self.
But dreamers dream. And I am far from defeated. Just frustrated.